Yeah, yeah long time no blog. So I have been a little uninspired lately. I don't want every blog to be a gripey, whiney, poor me meesage. Sooooo I haven't said anything in a while. Today is a better day, however. I completed my layout for Jp's challenge.... yeah! I like it, I like it alot. So... even if I don't win... I know I did a good job! I feel accomplished today... weird, huh? One little project that I have been poking myself in the eyeballs over... and now it it done. woooo hoooo!

My poor little DH is working more now... trying to get ahead in the finance dept. I am so proud of him too! He truly makes me a better person. I need to find another jobber too. Just something p/t that will work with my availability and pay me 20 bucks an hour. That isn't too much to ask for, right? I need to get motivated to go out and hunt down this dream job. Huh... maybe tomorrow; Nicholas will be home from school soon. Someone tell me it is OKAY to work more than I do already. See, I grew up with both of my parents working all the time. Yeah, sure we had weekends to do family stuff... but something has got to be said about being home for your kids after school. Am I just crazy? See here is the thing.... my parents did not ever leave me to the wolves. I spent the afternoons with my dad... and my mom worked nights... gee maybe that's what my problem is. No, no, not that my mom was wrong, per say. I have always said my family, ie: children, would come before my job. I have been determined for so long to be home when my kid(s) get home from school because my mom couldn't. I work weekends... and nicholas goes to my mom and dad's every weekend. I need to work a couple days during the week in order for us to be financially where we want to be... to have extra monies for a down payment for a house, car payments, and whatever children God graces us with in the future. My only child is 12 years old now... and in 7th grade. Is it time I cut the line and work a couple nights a week? Keep in mind he will be home by himself until 8 in the evening after school due to my DH's job schudule. Nicholas would come home to an empty house a couple days a week if I work during the week. Someone else must be going through something similar, right? I want to be the best mom I can... and I am beginning to realize that being "here" for him doesn't have to mean litterally here. I think it would be better to be "here" for him financially, right? You can all see I am torn by this. I really don't know what I should do. My hubby supports me no matter what... he and Nicholas are worried about their dinners on the nights I would be working. Well, if that is the only concern, than what the heck am I doing hangin' around here, right?

It is sooooo early in the morning! The cat woke me up; she was climbing on the bed and jumping on the windowsill, playing with the blinds... bastard. Anyway, I am up now and have been since 6am. Guess I had enough sleep...lol.

I have to work this evening. My bestest friend ever has plans and asked me to work her shift tonight... and because I am sometimes a giving person, I said sure. Not to mention the little bonus I get for working an extra shift. haha! I sure hope the cow isn't working tonight. Somehow... she probably is. Oh well, she is nice to my face, at least. It may be okay after all. Man, what would I do if I actually had a regular job and worked 5 days a week? I have been working this weekend gig for over a year and a half now... and with the exception of it being *the weekend* and all my friends being off, its great!

So, I got some Love, Elsie stuff yesterday at HL! Its all 30% off this week! I am so excited too... I did a great LO of a pic I have been staring at for like 2 months! It has taken me so very long to get inspired to do that one... but yaaaaaayy! its done now!

Nicholas had his birthday party last Sunday... and the little booger got a laptop! Yes, a laptop. My mom is the *greatest grandma on earth* and gets her only granchild whatever his little heart desires. Oh well, you only live once, right? And... when he breaks it... I can say told ya so.... hahahahaha! Oh... and the weird pic of my mom looking like she is a big dork... she ate a Bertie Botts every flavor bean... and it was vomit flavored. Eeeeewe, gross! Better her than me.

To my buddy, Jp... I left a comment! hahaha! love ya girlie! I will call soon. you can do that too ya know!

Later,

Having a good day

Nicholas turned 12 on Thursday. Tony and I had an amazing day with him at the museum on Thursday. We went out to see the Star Wars exhibit at the Fort Worth Museum of Science and History... and man it was out of this world! We stayed in there for nearly three hours looking at all the memorabilia from all six movies. Nicholas built a robot and "trained" it with a few commands... how cool is that! So yeah... I admit it... I am a Star Wars geek... especially episodes 4, 5, and 6. Anywhoo, I have got to run... today is Nicholas's party. I have sooo much to do.

The mighty wind blows

My little boy isn't so little anymore. His birthday is two weeks from today; Nicholas will be 12 years old! Man, time has flown by. It seems like this happened overnight... and honestly I don't remember everything like I should. I swear I have blocked out a few years of his life. I am a crappy mom... I mean, really, who just completely forgets memories that should stay with them? He is my only child... it's not like I have other kids' memories fogging up my brain. What is wrong with me? Is this normal? 'Cause, really, I feel like a failure as a mother right now. Not to mention, Nicholas doesn't really have friends his own age... any friends, really. What is wrong with this picture? I have been feeling sorry for myself and staying away from meeting new people and being involved with PTA or whatever for the sheer reason that I am fat and truly uncomfortable with meeting new people. I know, I know... lose weight... well I am! I am making a change... and a great one at that. When is it going to feel okay to do things alone... by myself? I hate being alone. I can't handle going places on my lonesome. What in the world is my problem?!!!! I am a good person... a little shy at first. Once I get comfortable in a situation, I am good... and I relax and let the real me come out and play. Maybe its because I have always ben the fat kid... but I had friends and sleepovers and all that fun stuff. What is it I am doing wrong for my kid to not have those same experiences? Maybe its the school... the last school he was at, Niholas had quite a few friends... and one in particular spent the night on occasion. I dunno... maybe I am just being hard on myself. Maybe I just need to swallow my... ummmm... pride? Whatever... I have to feel like I have done something right. I had him at 20... alone... his father wasn't part of his life until Nicholas was 7 years old... and Alex isn't much of a "father" now.

Heck, maybe its 'cause I have always worked weekends. Yeah, that would explain it, right! Okay... maybe I am overreacting a bit. But... he won't have anyone at his birthday party on the 5th... except family. I guess its not so bad... after all... some of the little hoodrats growing up around us I would not allow Nicholas to associate with. Anywhoo... I am done... and off my soapbox for the time being. Tony and I am going to Blockbuster Video and then off to get snow cones. Tootles.

first posting...

So here goes... I am always tinkering with new thoughts... my wild imagination, you know. I have been online all day long looking at all the new scrappy-stuff! It is sooooo exciting! I need inspiration so bad.

Yesterday, I made myself and three of my nurse friends little "brains." I took composition books and altered them... woo hoo! We nurses have so much paperwork to do in our facility it is hard to keep up with the everyday things... so I decorated these into little gems... maybe that will help keep us from making mistakes.

My poor husband has been dealing with my craziness lately... and I am sorry. I take little things out on him... ie: cleaning up after himself. I should know better. I saw his apartment he lived in before we got married... it isn't anything new. I wish I could NOT sweat the small stuff. I just don't know how to let stress roll off my back. I don't mean to hurt his feelings, really I don't. It seems like I pick fights with him when our funds are limited... or when he is paying more attention to the sport of the day than to me. Man, I am a jealous little witch, huh!

I think I need a day at the spa... you know... massage, manicure, and pedicure. I need to erase all my stress. What I really want is a day at the mall... I need new clothes. I have lost 60+ pounds in threee months! Woo Hoo! I have to get other priorities accomplished first...like the bills. So, I guess that means "no" for now.

Oh well, maybe this funk will lift. I sure hope it goes away soon. Anywhoo... I will post again later.